


Somebody That I Used To Know

by Lyra_87



Category: My Chemical Romance, Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Lyra_87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short story songfic inspired by Gotye's 'Somebody That I Used To know'.</p><p>An old photograph sparks the telling of a tale of lost love and regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,  
> this will be a sort story, only about four or five chapters.
> 
> Lyrics belong to Gotye.
> 
> Story is inspired by this song, but Original Characters are my own.
> 
> Please do not steal, it's not nice. 
> 
> Feedback is encouraged, welcomed and appreciated.

Moving sucks. Packing up all your crap into labelled boxes sucks. Putting all those boxes into a moving van sucks just a little bit more. Unloading them into your new two bedroom apartment really sucks. Realising just how little your left when your soon to be ex wife gets half of your stuff is perhaps the worst part of it. Every aspect of it is a form of slow torture. At least that’s how Gerard felt when he looked at the remaining boxes. There were six boxes left to unpack, two of which were labelled clothes, one labelled records, two were filled with comics. The last one was an old box. It hadn’t worn the years very well, with creases and holes riddling the cardboard. Unlike the rest, there was no label on it. Gerard had no idea what was in the box but, if it was unlabelled it wasn’t important. It was probably just a bunch of crap from his adolescent years. He had half a mind to throw it out in order to avoid looking through it. It was Lindsey who had found it in the attic when going through all their stuff; he supposed he should be thankful that she gave it to him. Even in the midst of the separation she was still as dignified as ever. It wasn’t for his sake though; it was all for Bandit, who was taking the divorce as well as a sixteen year old could. He looked at the boxes in the living room with a mild sense of panic. Bandit was due any moment, and he should have had everything unpacked for her first visit to his new apartment. He had been staying with Ray for the last month while he looked for a new place, and now that he finally had a place where his daughter could stay over he should have been more prepared and organised. He had just decided to shove the boxes in the spare closet next to the bathroom when there was a short sharp knock at the door. He jumped and cussed in surprise, his eyes darting to the door before he looked back at the boxes with a hateful glare. A second, more impatient knock motivated Gerard to drag his feet to the door but the smile plastered on his face at the sight of his daughter was genuine.

“Hey B.”

“Hey dad” she rushed to greet him, flinging her arms around his waist and squeezing the air out of his lungs. The move had eaten up all of his free time in the last two weeks, which was the longest he had ever gone without seeing his only child. She was his pride and joy, and the time lost hit him now. He swore she had grown an inch or two in those two weeks.

“How’s my little lady?”

“Dad!” She groaned before chuckling, breaking the hug and pushing past him to enter the apartment, not waiting for an invitation.

“Are you seriously not finished unpacking yet?” she scolded the minute Gerard shut the door.

She stood in the middle of the sitting room, her brown eyes zeroed in on the offending boxes left out in the room. Gerard couldn’t help but notice just how like her mother she was; from her dark brown eyes which glared at the boxes, to the long waist length black hair, to the way she rested her hand on her hip stuck to ensure she displayed her disapproval over his lack of organisation.

“You try setting up an apartment all by yourself!”

“I’d do a better job than you.”

“You think so? Prove it. You can unpack the rest of the boxes then.”

“Ha Ha Ha” Bandit drawled, sarcasm dripping in her tone.

“I’m serious. You know what happens when you complain. Records go in the shelf beside the TV. If you get it done in less than half an hour I’ll order pizza.”

“And if I don’t?” Bandit’s teenage side came out, calling Gerard’s bluff. She may look like her mother, but she got the attitude from him.

“I’ll make veggie curry.”

“But you suck at making curry!”

“Exactly. Better get started, then!”

Bandit let out a low growl, throwing her backpack on the ground and picking up the box labelled ‘Records’. She threw Gerard an evil glare and stormed over to the plastic Ikea shelf.

“You know, this wasn’t what I had in mind when I said I wanted to stay for the weekend. I thought we might actually do something fun, like watch Battlestar Galatica.”

“We will as soon as we get this stuff unpacked, so more unpacking, less complaining.”

“Whatever!”

Gerard picked up one of the boxes marked ‘Clothes” and marched to the bedroom, dumping the box on the floor with a heavy drop before ripping the sellotape off. He thought about neatly folding the spare clothes before placing them in the chest of drawers, but quickly decided it was an unnecessary and time consuming task. He tore the clothes out the cardboard box and shoved them into the press without care. In a matter of ten minutes the box was empty. He congratulated himself on doing the job in record time. He stood up too quickly, resulting in a loud cracking sound ringing in his ears. At thirty nine years old, his body was starting to give him daily reminders that he wasn’t in his twenties anymore in the form of clicking knees. He ignored it and grabbed the second box of clothes, emptying the box just as quickly as the first one.

“Hey Dad, what’s in this box?”

Bandit was kneeling beside the unlabelled, battered looking box.

“You know what, I have no idea. It might have some college stuff in it, I think.”

“Can I look?”

He didn’t give her an answer. Instead he kneeled down beside her, pulling the box closer to him. He pulled at the sellotape, pulling off bits of cardboard with it. He was surprised the box hadn’t disintegrated given the age of it. He pulled the flaps back, exposing the inside of the box. There were bits of paper on the top, crumpled and slightly yellowed. His hands sought out the pile of paper, curiosity gripping at him to inspect the long lost treasure chest.  Bandit didn’t ask for permission to start rummaging herself. Gerard was absorbed in looking at the character sketches he’s created in his youth. He couldn’t remember why he had packed the stuff away to be forgotten about. He was a hoarder and kept everything in neat boxes; it wasn’t like him dump his art.

“Dad, who’s this?”

She waved the photograph under his nose, gaining his attention. His heart stopped at the picture in front of him as his fingers retrieved the picture from his daughter’s loose hold. The face that smiled at him brought a pang to his chest that he hadn’t felt in over seventeen years. His mouth went dry as his eyes greedily took in the sight of the raven haired woman in the picture; Her blue eyes were shinning in happiness in the photo, her hands hanging loosely around his neck while his arms cradled her waist. His smile was young and carefree in the photo, matching the woman who held his younger self so closely. Her pale skin was perfect, even without the makeup she wore in the photo.

“Dad?”

Bandit’s voice pulled him out of the daze he found himself in. The words poured out his mouth without any thought in panic.

“Just somebody that I used to know.”

Bandit waited for him to elaborate. After a few seconds of silence her eyebrow raised in an expression of disbelief, mixed with determination.

“Is she your ex or something? What’s her name?”

Gerard cleared his throat, his eyes wandering back to the photo in his hands. He hadn’t thought about her in years. Guilt mixed with a unhealthy dose of indignant anger whenever he remembered, and he learned early on to forget and move on if he wanted his marriage to work. He didn’t realise how successful he’s been in forgetting about her until that very moment.  Now that his marriage was over, there was nothing to stop him from letting his mind drift back to her.

“Her name’s Madeline. We were high school sweethearts.”

“High school? You look too old to be in high school in that picture.”

He gave a little chuckle at his daughter’s observational skills.

“We met in high school, but we dated all the way through college.”

“I thought you met mom in college?”

“I did.”

Bandit’s face fell, drawing the logical conclusion.

“You cheated on her with mom?” she asked, her voice laced with disgust.

“It’s more complicated than that, B.”

“How is it complicated? You either cheated, or you didn’t?”

Gerard ran a hand over his face, feeling guilt and stress build up from Bandit’s questioning. He never expected to have to explain his past to his daughter; he had poured every memory tainted with Madeline into the box. He had locked the box away, leaving it to rot just like his memories. Nobody ever mentioned Madeline; they knew better than to rehash the past. They respected his desire to make his marriage work, which meant leaving certain parts of his past buried.

“Technically I didn’t cheat but it’s not as black and white as that.”

Gerard grew quiet, his mind suddenly frazzled and turned to mush as the sight of the photo long since forgotten. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the picture in front of him. Madeline had been everything to him for the best part of seven years. All his firsts had been with her. Now, she was nothing but a stranger to him.

“You loved her, didn’t you?”

Gerard looked at his daughter, shocked to see compassion and sympathy on her face.

“I did, very much so.”

“What happened?”

“That’s a long story B. Short version is that I was young and I did something stupid. Then I met your mom and we had you.”

Bandit bit her lip, curiosity begging her to ask more questions. She was like her mother in so many ways. She liked tales and stories; she loved learning and creating. She also couldn’t stand not knowing the full facts of a story. Her interest was now piqued, and there was no way Gerard would get away with not telling her more. He could try though.

“I wanna know the long version.”

Gerard wanted to tell her no. The word was on the tip of his tongue, ready to put a stop on the conversation before it went any further. Bandit’s big brown eyes pleaded with him to tell her more. She knew so little about his past, and now she knew the reason why. He didn’t blame her for wanting to know more about the person he was, and by extension the woman who had helped shaped the man he became. He had locked that part of his life away for so long, and now that he was staring it in the face, he found that he didn’t want to put it away again.

“I better order that pizza then. This will take a while.”

Bandit smiled in triumph.

Gerard ordered the pizza while Bandit continued to pull bits and pieces out of the box, and by the time he came back she had unearthed more pictures.

“She’s really pretty. Not as pretty as mom though” Bandit quickly added, in fear of appearing disloyal to her mother.

“She was beautiful” Gerard agreed, throwing himself on the couch.

Bandit joined him, pulling her feet on the couch and turned to face him while sitting Indian style.

“So, start from the beginning.” Bandit demanded, her sole attention fixed in hearing her father’s story.

“The beginning, huh? …I guess that takes me back to that first time I saw her in sophomore year..."


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I hope you enjoy the update. If you can spare a few seconds, feedback would be appreciated or even a kudos. They make my day :)
> 
> Lyra

_“Dude, cheer up. It’s not that bad!”_

_Ray’s deep voice broke the silence, earning a glare from Gerard. It was the first day back after a glorious two months off, and Gerard wasn’t in the mood for Ray’s optimistic attitude. They had survived their first year of high school without suffering any major physical or psychological trauma, but it didn’t mean he had to like coming back for his sophomore year. The only thing that made school bearable was Ray and Frank, who stuck by his side during lunch and the few classes they shared. Gerard knew it could be much worse; they were unnoticed by the hostile jerks of the school and deemed inoffensive to the majority of the student population. There was the occasional name calling and shove but overall they were left well enough alone. They could get into parties without any problem and nobody got any shit for talking to them. They did well enough academically to get by in class without bringing attention to themselves. Their experience so far hadn’t been a travesty but Gerard would still rather be anywhere else than outside the bright yellow building that loomed over him._

_“Yes it is Toro. Yesterday we were free.  Now we’re back, to be forced into confined classrooms that do nothing but shove preapproved bullshit down our throats in order for us to become what the government deem ‘productive members of society’ who work shitty job to pay shitty taxes to pay a shitty government. We have no free will and any attempt to think outside the narrow box they create is punishable, because having an opinion that contradicts the status quo is labelled as insolent or trouble making. The real question is, can it get any worse?”_

_Ray shook his head, his smile faltering slightly. It was way too early in the day to get into a heavy discussion that would involve using his brain._

_“Whatever man. We better go before the late bell rings.”_

_They dumped their stuff in their lockers before finding their home room. They took two seats at the back of the room, evading notice from the rest of their peers. Gerard already knew his schedule unlike Ray, who was staring at the paper in front of him with concentration._

_“Please tell me you have Mr White for creative writing as well for first period” Ray begged with pleading eyes._

_“I’ve got Ms. Clarke for literature, then art and algebra.”_

_“Shit man, do we have any classes together this semester?” Ray asked, handing his schedule over to Gerard, who scanned it quickly with unblinking eyes._

_“We’ve got American history and gym” Gerard informed him monotonously._

_“Damn it.”_

_The classroom door slammed shut, silencing the room immediately._

_“Alright, let’s just get this over with, shall we?”_

_Mr. Finn sauntered over to his desk, neatly placing his books on the wooden table. The majority of the girls let out some form of giggle when he straightened his tie, facing the class looking as defeated as they felt. His youth, good looks and friendly demeanour made him one of the more approachable members of the faculty as long as it wasn’t first thing in the morning._

_“Let’s get to the point. You guys know all the rules by now. You have your schedules, you know how they work. You got any questions, concerns or problems you go to the guidance counsellor. This is your home room for the rest of the year, be here on time or I **will** give you a tardy slip. The quicker everybody ticks off the attendance sheet, the quicker we get out of here-“_

_Mr. Finn stopped when principal Hudson walked in, with a new student in tow. All eyes were on the small raven haired girl, who blushed furiously under the scrutiny._

_“Mr Finn I’m sorry to interrupt. Everyone, this is our new student Madeline McCarthy. I’m sure I can rely on at least one of you to volunteer to help her find her way around for the next few days while she settles in.” she spoke warmly to the students, whispered a few words to Mr. Finn and walkied out of the room._

_“Okay Madeline, just take a seat anywhere for the moment” Finn waved a hand around carelessly. He picked up the attendance sheet, leaving Madeline looking around the room like a deer caught in headlights. Her large blue eyes were widened in panic, embarrassment creeping up on her with every passing second. Gerard struggled internally at the sight. He never drew attention to himself but the girl looked like a lost puppy and there was an empty seat beside him. All it would take was for him to raise his hand a little to get her attention.  His hand twitched in a silent sign that he should bite the bullet and do it. He geared himself to lift his hand when she finally saw him. The feeling that engulfed his chest was nothing he had ever felt before. Gerard didn’t believe in the concept of love at first sight until that moment. The strangest part of it was he was certain that she felt it too. The embarrassment had left her, relieving her cheeks of their pink hue. Her frightened eyes relaxed though her shock was evident. Gerard nodded, giving her the silent approval she was waiting for. The moment lasted no more than a couple of seconds, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. Her body visibly relaxed when she finally slumped into the chair, sinking down as far as she could to avoid the few remaining stares. By next lesson everyone would forget about her. More than anything Gerard wished he was one of those guys that had the balls to talk to girls. It was a talent a few of his fellow class mates had that made him jealous. It was nothing to them if a girl told them to get lost, for them there were plenty more girls to try. Gerard just couldn’t find it within himself to push the self consciousness away and brush off any rejection he received. It stopped him from putting himself out there to meet new people, just like it stopped him from opening his mouth and introducing himself to the new girl who was probably looking for someone to help her out._

_He counted the remaining minutes left until he would be forced to leave the room, the pressure he felt to man up increased with every tick of the clock. Time wouldn’t stall for him, and before he knew it the bell dismissed them from Mr Finn’s presence. The teacher bolted out the door before any of the students had stood from their seats. Gerard couldn’t do anything but watch with regret when Jessica walked over to Madeline, offering her a hand to shake. Gerard stood up slowly, grabbing his bag and listening to the brief conversation the girls shared. Jessica offered to show Madeline around for the rest of the day, earning a grateful smile and a ‘Thanks’. What struck Gerard the most was Madeline’s accent. It wasn’t American but he couldn’t place it._

_“C’mon Gerard, we need to go” Ray interrupted Gerard’s snooping._

_Gerard followed Ray out of the room, glancing over his shoulder one last time at Madeline who was too busy showing Jessica her schedule to pay him any more attention. The next few hours passed by slowly the way they did when it was the first day back. All the classes were conducted in the same fashion. The teacher would walk in, spend fifteen to twenty minutes giving out handouts and explaining the curriculum for the semester ahead. Then they were told to ‘talk amongst yourselves quietly or whatever else you want to do as long as you stay seated’. Gerard used the time to think about Madeline. She was in his literature and algebra class, giving Gerard ample time to memorise every detail about her he could see. He wasn’t the kind of guy to get crushes, but for some reason this girl was stuck in his head. She was a novelty, something new that he had yet to put a label on and it intrigued him. She was pretty but she didn’t exactly stand out from the crowd either. Her clothing, a pair of jeans, chucks and a non-descript top didn’t mark her out as fitting into any sort of crowd. She didn’t wear any jewellery and her makeup was barely there, if not nonexistent. Her taste in music, films or any hobbies she might have weren’t given away like it was with so many people. Gerard, with his dark clothes, stencilled sketchpad and band logos covering his possessions, was clearly into grunge and punk rock. Ray, with his rock t shirts was clearly a metal head. Even Frank, their friend who was mysteriously missing on their first day, had a punk vibe about him. The preps and jocks had an attitude that made them easily spottable from a distance. Even the general population of the school gave something away about themselves in some shape or form. They dye their hair to bring out their true personalities or they sign up for extracurricular activities but, one way or another there was something small that gave Gerard enough knowledge to put a label on them. This girl didn’t give him any clue as to what kind of person she was what her tastes were, if she was a nice person or not. She was an enigma and there was nothing Gerard loved more than solving puzzles._

_“Dude, wake the fuck up!” Ray nudged Gerard with a sharp elbow to his delicate ribs._

_“Fucking prick” Gerard glared at Ray with anger._

_“Dude, the lunch bell went two minutes ago! Let’s go already” Ray ignored the insult, grabbed his bag and waited for Gerard to do the same._

_They walked to the cafeteria in silence, quickly spotting the table they frequented the year before. Gerard smiled when he saw Frank sitting at the table, eating his lunch as though he hadn’t missed his first morning of school._

_“Are you trying to get detention on the first day of school?” Gerard asked, sitting opposite Frank._

_“Yup. Gotta do something to stand out, you know, so I figured detention before the lunch was a good way to get noticed.”_

_“Did it work?”_

_“Nope.”_

_Frank looked truly disappointed that he had managed to avoid getting caught. Ray shook his head in exasperation but he knew better than to say anything._

_“I heard there’s a new girl. Any of you seen her?”_

_“She’s in our homeroom.” Ray told him before Gerard could._

_“Is she pretty?”_

_“Yeah, but Gerard was drooling over her earlier so I wouldn’t try anything.” Ray’s smirk was evil, delighting in humiliating his friend._

_“I was **not** drooling over her” Gerard spluttered defensively, cheeks turning red._

_“Was he doing his whole creepy staring thing?” Frank’s mischievous smile light up his eyes._

_“Fuck off!” Gerard hissed venomously._

_Frank just laughed, his giggles girlishly high pitched. Gerard’s glare only resulted in Frank laughing harder and louder, wrapping his arms wound his middle when Gerard’s face grew redder with rage._

_“Can I ask what you’re on? Whatever it is, I want some of it”_

_The voice came from behind Gerard, who jumped in his seat in fright. His torso snapped around to find the source of the voice. His face blanched when he saw no one other than Madeline standing behind him, a cafeteria tray in her small hands. Her tone was full of confidence, all traces of her earlier shyness were gone. Her gaze was steady, unabashed and on Frank. There was a trace of a smile of her lips, revealing little dimples that only added to her adorableness in Gerard’s opinion. Gerard could see her eyes were a shocking blue colour, so bright and shining with intensity._

_“Skittles. Do you want some?” Frank offered, startling Gerard from his staring and holding his opened packet out to share._

_“What a stupid question. Of course I want some.”_

_She didn’t wait for an invitation to take the last seat at their table, which was beside Gerard. His hands started to sweat in panic. He wasn’t prepared for her to take the initiative like this. He didn’t plan what he should say, what questions to ask or how he should act around her. His brain stopped working, all thoughts banished from his mind while she settled in the plastic chair next to him._

_“I’m Frank” Frank introduced when Madeline reached forward to grab a handful of skittles from the bag._

_“I’m Madeline.”_

_She popped the candy in her mouth before she offered her hand for a handshake. Gerard couldn’t deny the little bite of jealousy he felt when Frank shook her hand, his smile wide and full of charm._

_“This is Ray” Frank pointed to his left “That’s Gerard.”_

_“Nice to meet you guys. I hope you don’t mind me sitting here, Jessica kind of ditched me after Algebra.” Madeline inquired, though she didn’t seem too interested in their opinion._

_Gerard was about to respond with a reassuring answer when Frank cut across him._

_“That depends.”_

_Madeline wasn’t prepared for the forthright statement. The shock was quickly shaken off, replaced by a steely glare in Frank’s direction. His expression was neutral, not giving her any hint on how to respond._

_“On what?”_

_“Your musical taste, favourite movie and your overall coolness rating.”_

_“Nirvana, The Smiths, Metallica and U2; The nightmare before Christmas, although I love Tim Burton movies in general; And if I were to judge on a scale of one of ten, I’d probably be a zero ‘cos I have no idea what ‘coolness’ is.”_

_“Then its fine” Frank shrugged, shoving more skittles in his mouth._

_“Where are you from? I can’t place your accent.”_

_Those were the first words Gerard ever spoke to her. He swore her cheeks flushed a little when she looked at him. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. He kicked himself for starting their conversation off on such an obvious question. She was probably sick of explaining herself to people, the last thing she would want to do was talk about who she was and where she came from._

_“It’s Irish. The real one doesn’t sound like the one they use in the movies.”_

_“That’s a big move.”_

_Way to go, Captain Obvious._

_“My dad got a big job with some stupid company. Uprooted the whole family last month for a bigger pay check.”_

_“That sucks.”_

_“It’s not so bad now.”_

_This time she did blush, her cheeks heating up like his own._

 

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Bandit exclaimed, taking a bit of her pizza “How long did you wait before you asked her out?”

“I didn’t ‘ask her out’. We met up that weekend under the pretence of showing her around the neighbourhood. By Monday it was obvious we liked each other, so we just…kinda started dating.” Gerard explained, leaning back on the couch with a low groan.

“You said you dated all the way through college? So you went to prom together and stuff?”

“We did everything together. We went to all the school dances together, we graduated together. We picked colleges in New York so we could live together.”

“Your parents didn’t mind?”

Gerard smiled.

“My parents didn’t. Her parents on the other hand, they were pissed. They said we were too young to live together, that we shouldn’t settle down so young. They said we’d get sick of each other, or that we’d get pregnant. Then Madeline found a small apartment going for cheap rent. When she pointed out it would be cheaper than living in dorms they caved, and that it was safer to live with me than with random strangers they caved in.”

“What was it like, living with her?’

“It was great. We got along like a house on fire. We fought occasionally but, when we did they were short lived. She put up with my shortcomings, and I dealt with hers. Overall we complimented each other. Sometimes, she would just randomly say ‘I’m so happy, I could die and I wouldn’t care’ even though we were living in a apartment the size of a closet and could barely afford to eat half the time. I felt the same way.”

“You sound like you were in love” Bandit spoke hesitantly.

“I was. _We_ were.” He corrected himself.

“What happened, then?”

Gerard sighed.

“It wasn’t one thing that went wrong. Sometimes the little things build up, you know?”

“Not really, but it doesn’t matter. Tell me how it ended!”

“Not as well as I had hoped. I never intended for things to end the way they did.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> New chapter for your reading pleasure. I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Lyra

_“What are you thinking about?”_

_Madeline’s voice broke the weed filled silence between them. It was the first evening they’d spent together in weeks. Madeline had been working overtime for the last few weeks, trying to earn extra money. Gerard was working in some shitty store part time in the evenings and he spent his days working for Cartoon Network on an internship in the hope that it would turn into a full time job. Money was tight, alone time was limited, and time spent with Madeline was slowly decreasing. He lived in a big city, with the girl of his dreams and yet he was lonelier than he’d ever felt in his entire life. Every day was the same old routine. He woke up, went to Cartoon Network, where he worked for nothing until five o’clock. He would rush home, get something to eat, then go work in Barnes and Nobles until ten o’clock. Day in, day out. The joy from his college days was gone, when Madeline’s parents would help with bills and rent. They had made the decision to stay in the city, much to her parents’ displeasure. They had stopped helping out, and with it came more financial strain when he included his student loan, which he had to start paying back. Money wasn’t his only issue though._

_Things with Madeline had changed. He didn’t know when or how but, it wasn’t the same anymore. Everything was too easy now. There was nothing new, no spontaneity anymore. His heart didn’t skip a beat anymore when he saw her; he didn’t feel like giggling like a school girl when she told him that she loved him. Way back when, his heart would physically ache if they spent too much time apart. He used to feel like she was his perfect fit. She enjoyed the same music he did. She loved horror and science fiction. She didn’t appreciate comics like he did but she would listen to him rattle on about it. He remembered when the thought of spending the rest of his life with her filled him with happiness. Now, he felt nothing but resignation. She was the only girl he had ever been with, and now he was obligated to stay with her after all they’d been through. They had done everything together as a couple, and now it seemed like there was no other option for them but to remain as couple if he wanted to keep her in his life. He didn’t want to let go of their friendship. She meant too much to him for him to let her go, he just wasn’t sure if he wanted to go down the path that had been laid for him. There was an assumption that they would get married, have children and grow old together without ever experiencing anything outside of them as a couple. He wouldn’t know what it was like to be single. He would never know what it was like to have sex with somebody else. He would never know what it was like to not have to explain his actions to somebody. He would never know freedom. The thought weighed on his chest, strangling him with fear and panic. He was settled down at the age of twenty two, and it terrified him._

_He knew in his heart what had caused the sudden change. Guilt swam in the pit of his stomach when he thought about Lindsey. He had never, and would never, cheat on Madeline. He had never even looked at another woman until she came along. He had met her at a gig one night, where she was playing in a band. He had seen her around SVA, where she worked as a Teacher’s Assistant. He had never paid too much attention to her, she had been no more than a background figure in his college life. Then he saw her on stage, and he felt something awaken in him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He felt curiosity and desire. She owned the stage when she performed, and he wondered if she was as dominating in real life. She oozed sex and mystery, and it was a potent mix. He had made of point of staying after the show with the guys, convincing them that it’d be cool to meet the band. He struck up a conversation with her and he had been hooked since then. She was the female version of him and the time he spent with her wasn’t long enough. They had exchanged numbers and had talked about meeting up for a coffee some time. He knew it was wrong, but the desire to experience something else, to gain a friend that was unconnected with the group of friends he had with Madeline. Meeting Lindsey made him question the path he wanted to go down. He wondered if he stayed with Madeline because he loved her, or if he stayed out of fear and familiarity._

_“Gerard?” her voice drifted in again, drawing his attention to her. Her arm was stretched out, offering him the joint he had rolled earlier. They were lying in bed, side by side, with Bob Dylan playing in the background. Her eyes weren’t unfocused like they should have been. She was staring at him with concern._

_“Sorry” he mumbled, taking the joint and taking a long drag._

_“Is something wrong?” Her Irish accent had dulled over the years but it came out strong when she was upset or worried._

_“Of course not. Why do you ask?”_

_“I  don’t know, you just seem a bit…off lately. When you’re here, you’re not_ really _here. It just feels like something is bothering you. You know you can tell me anything, right?”_

_Her big blue eyes bored into his, giving him the look she gave him all those years ago when she walked into the classroom like a lost little girl. She wasn’t stupid. She knew that something was going on with him, Since the night he met Lindsey two weeks ago he had been different. He tried to shrug off the claustrophobia he felt when he was around her but he knew it showed. They slept in the same bed but he wasn’t intimate with her anymore. She could sense the coldness radiating off him, and the hurt shook her to the core. She didn’t ask for much off him, only honesty, and now he couldn’t even do that anymore. His heart didn’t feel like it was in the relationship anymore. He was being cruel holding onto her out of fear._

_He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he struggled to get his thoughts together._

_“I just don’t know if this working anymore.”_

_A shocked gasp left her lips, her face crumbling with confusion at the words that had come out of nowhere. Whatever it was she expected to hear, those words were not it. She slowly sat up on her elbows, twisting her torso to face him. The pain that shadowed her feature made his chest ache. He had finally said the words he had longed to say, and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He had made a promise to himself that he would never hurt her; now, after seven years, he had broken it._

_“What…I…Where did this come from? I don’t understand.”_

_He sat up, facing her and the consequences of the words he’d spoken._

_“I just…don’t you ever wonder if we did this way too young? Madeline, we’ve…we’ve done everything together for the last seven years. Do you never wonder if we’ve missed out on other things because we were so wrapped up in each other?”_

_The words didn’t make her feel better. Her eyes filled with tears but she refused to let them fall. His gut twisted at the sight. The betrayal and hurt was written on her face. Her normal smile had vanished, leaving trembling lips in its wake._

_“No, I haven’t. Clearly you have though. Did I do something?”_

_“No” his voice softened with emotion “ You haven’t done anything wrong. I just feel like we’re too young to have the rest of our lives decided for us. There’s so much we haven’t done, and I don’t want us to be held back from it because we were too afraid to do things by ourselves.”_

_“You met somebody.”_

_She wasn’t asking him. She stated it as though she already knew._

_“I..Madeline, I would never cheat on you” he replied lamely._

_“Not physically, no. But you want someone else. Someone who isn’t me.”_

_“That’s not why I’m saying this. I just…I just don’t want to resent you in ten years time. You want to settle down in the next few years, get married and have kids and I don’t know if I want that.”_

_“Who is she?” she asked, losing the battle with her tears._

_“This isn’t to do with anybody else Maddie. I just…I just think we need a break.”_

_“A break?” she asked incredulously._

_“A break” he repeated, his voice cracking under the strain._

_She shook her head._

_“No. That’s not how this works Gerard. We’re either together, or we’re not. I’m not going to stick around waiting for you to make up your mind. If you don’t want me anymore, grow a pair and say it. Don’t fuck me around like I don’t have feelings. Jesus Christ, after all this time_ this _is how you choose to end it. Like I’m just a piece of paper you can crumple and throw away?”_

_“Don’t say that. That’s not what this is about. I just need time to sort my feelings out. You mean the world to me Maddie, and I don’t want to lose you. Fuck, you know me better than anybody else. That doesn’t just mean nothing anymore.”_

_“What do you want Gerard? Just tell me what it is that you want from me.”_

_“I don’t know what I want. All I know is that I want you in my life. I’m just think that maybe we should try being friends for a while. Get a bit of space, you know?”_

_“Friends? Wow” she let out a low breath._

_“I just…I just think it’s for the best.”_

_The silence stifled the room, choking the both of them. Madeline wiped her eyes with shaking hands, taking in a few deep breaths to calm herself down._

_“Fine. If that’s what you want. I’ll…I’ll stay with Frank and Jamia for a while I guess.”_

_“You don’t have to go” Gerard felt a rise of panic overwhelm him as the reality of what just happened sunk in._

_“I should. I just…you need time and space. I get that. You need to go out and do things on your own for a while, and maybe I do too.”_

_She shuffled of the bed and stood up, looking around the room for a minute with unblinking eyes. She nodded to herself before making a beeline for the wardrobe they shared, digging around the bottom for a duffle bag. She started packing her clothes while Gerard watched helplessly. He didn’t know what to say. There were no words that would make it any better. She zipped it shut with a sharp snap, venting her anger on the purple bag. She grabbed a pair of shoes and shoved them on her feet. She didn’t look at him before she walked out of the room. His body went on autopilot, jumping off the bed and chasing after her._

_“Maddie, wait!”_

_She froze in the middle of zipping her jacket up.  She waited for him to say something._

_“Don’t…please don’t hate me.”_

_She scoffed and glared at him._

_“I don’t hate you Gerard. Even now when you’re being an asshole, I can’t hate you. I’m giving you time to sort yourself out. I won’t wait around forever though. You’re the one who's choosing this, not me. Until you decide you know what you want, just do me one favour. Don’t call me. Don’t contact me at all. I don’t want to be reading into everything you say, wondering if you want me or not. I deserve that much.”_

_He opened his mouth but the words got stuck in his throat. He watched her leave with a lump in his throat. It hurt to watch her go, but deep down he was glad he it was over._

Bandit gawped at him with her mouth opened and widened eyes.

“And that was the last time you saw her.” She asked in disbelief, completely infatuated with his story.

“No. We saw each other a few times over the following months. I started seeing your mother loosely, which suited both of us. She went on a few dates but I don’t think she had anything serious with anybody. We had the same group of friends so it was unavoidable that we’d bump into each other. We stayed friends, even though she asked for space. She stayed with Frank and Jamia, leaving her stuff at our apartment. I still loved her, and she loved me. Things with your mother started to fizzle out and I realised that I was being stupid.”

“So why didn’t you get back together?”

Gerard sighed as the memories of their last encounter came to mind.

“I got a visit from your mother.”


	4. Chapter Four

_Gerard surveyed the room once more, making sure the place wasn’t a bombshell before Madeline called over. He had invited her over with the intention of winning her back. His relationship with Lindsey, while good, had made him realise how much he truly loved Madeline. Lindsey was an amazing woman, who was smart, gorgeous and beyond talented at whatever she put her mind to. The sex had been phenomenal at first when it was still a novelty. However, after a couple of months Gerard began to see that while he genuinely adored Lindsey, she wasn’t Madeline. She didn’t mess with her hair when she was bored; she didn’t have an Irish accent that only appeared when she got over excited or angry. She didn’t have Madeline’s big blues eyes that always seemed to see through him and know what he was thinking. She didn’t have Madeline’s ability to make him feel better with just a simple touch or kiss. Lindsey didn’t feel like home. Their relationship had fizzled out naturally with no hard feelings on either side; they both acknowledged that the relationship was never serious. He didn’t love her the way he loved Madeline, and he_ _was certain she didn’t love him. They got along and there was definitely a mutual attraction_ _, but it didn’t go beyond that. Gerard didn’t regret it_ _, though. Now he knew just how much Madeline meant to him, and he would spend the rest of his life making up for the hurt he had caused her. He had been anxious about how to approach her but he had been surprised by how quickly she agreed to come over. He had deliberately told Frank about the ending of his relationship with Lindsey, the guy couldn’t keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it, so he hoped the news would reach Madeline’s ears and that she would be more willing to meet with him.  He knew that if she was willing to come over, she was willing to give him another chance. Maybe it was wrong for him to be so confident, but he couldn’t let himself think any other way. She was the love of his life, and a future without her in it didn’t seem possible._

_He checked his watch and saw he still had close to half an hour before she was due to call. He decided to get himself a cup of coffee and relax. He knew getting worked up wouldn’t be of any benefit to him; he needed to have a clear head in order to express himself properly. He knew Madeline wouldn’t take him back just because he apologised. They needed to talk things out, and he was willing to_ _do anything to prove that she was the most important person to him in the world. The sudden wrap on the door pulled him out of his musings. She was early, but he didn’t mind. In fact, he was eager to see her. The sooner they talked, the sooner his life could get back on track. He rushed to the door and opened it without checking who was on the other side. He was stunned to see Lindsey was standing on the other side. Her face was make up free, and it immediately struck him as odd. The smile that permanently graced her lips was gone, replaced by slightly pursed lips. He could feel it in his gut that something was wrong. It twisted at the sight of her, and he had a nagging feeling that whatever was upsetting her, had something to do with him. He was torn. He wanted to be a good friend and invite her in when she was obviously in need of a person to talk to, but she couldn’t have chosen a more inconvenient moment to pop by. Madeline would freak at the sight of Lindsey, which was the last thing he needed when he was trying to win her back. He knew it was_ _n't deliberate on Lindsey’s part though; it wasn’t in her nature._

_“Linds…What’s up?” he asked, desperate to get rid of her as the selfish part of him took over._

_“Hey. Is this a bad time? We really need to talk_ _.”_ _She sounded upset, and Gerard knew he’d be a heartless prick if he turned her away now but, he really couldn’t afford to mess things up with Madeline. He had screwed things up enough already._

_“It’s not a good time Linds. It’s just Madeline is on her way over, she’s due in fifteen minutes…” he explained, cringing inwardly at his own words. He knew he was coming across as an asshole, but he had his priorities._

_“Please? It’s kind of important Gerard. This will only take a couple of minutes.”_

_Something clicked in his mind and his heart sank at her words. Somehow, he knew then and there what she was about to tell him. Lindsey had plenty of friends she could talk to if she needed them, people who were closer to her than he was.  Her pale face, slightly bloodshot eyes and clearly distresse_ _d appearance started to make sense. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that she was on his doorstep pleading to talk to him for one reason only. He felt a cold sweat break over him and he was certain his face had paled. His hand that rested on the door twitched, desperate to shut the door in her face and avoid what was about to happen. There was no way it was possible. He had been careful. **They** had been careful. This was nothing but a bad dream. This couldn’t be real. His ability to talk had completely vanished. He could only nod at her and make room for her to walk inside. He didn’t need to tell her to sit down. He followed her into the sitting room and took a seat next to her on the couch._

_“I think you already know why I’m here.” Lindsey spoke softly. She had seen Gerard’s reaction. She could see his brain working, fitting the pieces together. Without further encouragement, she pulled the white stick out from her pocket and handed it to him wordlessly. He took it with surprisingly still hands, his wide hazel eyes taking in the two blue lines that indicated a positive test. His stomach lurched at the sight._

_“Are…are you sure?” he asked dumbly, as though the test itself wasn’t conclusive enough evidence. Lindsey couldn’t hold in the bark of angry laughter that escaped her._

_“Would I be here otherwise?” she snapped, slightly angry at Gerard’s attitude. She wasn’t sure what she expected when she called over_ _, but she had hoped he would at least be understanding about it. She hadn’t planned on telling him  like this, she had been taking a walk to clear her head when she found herself walking in the direction of Gerard’s apartment._

_He put the test down on the coffee table in front of them, suddenly unable to stand the sight of it. He needed to get it away from it._

_“How? We were careful!”he spluttered out, panic overriding everything else._

_“One of the condoms must of burst or something. I’m just as confused as you are. At least you’re not the one puking your guts up every morning!”_

_He finally looked at her and she felt bad for snapping at him. The news was dropped on him suddenly; she had_ _had a couple of days to process the possibility before it was confirmed by the test. His expression matched the one she had when she saw the second blue line appear on the stick. He was paler than before_ _, and she was worried_ _that he might actually get sick. She could see his eyes were glazing over with tears. She was suddenly reminded of the fact that he was a year younger than her. While she had_ _had a stable job for the last year, he had just finished college and had only got offered a paid job with cartoon network two weeks_ _previously. He had other plans for his life. A kid certainly wasn’t part of them, at least not now and not with her. Their relationship was only meant to be a bit of fun, and now they were suddenly dealing with a not so fun consequence of their actions._

_“What…what do you want to do?” he asked, not even ashamed of how shaky his voice was._

_“I’m keeping it_ _, Gerard. There’s no question about it_ _, but I’m not going to force you to be involved, although if you want to_ _, that would be great. We had fun, and it wasn’t supposed to be more than that_ _, so I can’t expect anything from you. This wasn’t part of my plan_ _, either, but it happened_ _, and I’m going to deal with it. I don’t expect an answer from you now. Take the time you need to think about it. ”_

_Gerard felt a strange numbness wash over him. She was keeping the baby whether he wanted her to or not. Now the ball was in his court as to whether he wanted to play a role in the child’s life. He had never imagined that he would ever end up in this situation. Ten minutes ago his biggest problem was trying to win Madeline back. Now he was about to be a father. He opened his mouth to speak when he heard the front door open. His addled brain was confused for a moment until he remembered that Madeline was due to call. Madeline, who still had a key to the apartment and was now letting herself in. He stared at Lindsey with wide eyed panic, silently pleading with her not to say a word, not until he could process what was happening. She gave him a small smile, calming him down slightly. Madeline walked into the room, stopping abruptly at the sight of Lindsey. She didn’t even try to hide her glare at the two of them._

_“I was just leaving” Lindsey spoke up before the situation got any more awkward. She was very much aware of the white stick left lying on the table and her heart was thumping widely as she tried to figure out if she could retrieve it before Madeline noticed. She tried to reach out for it subtly while Madeline was staring at Gerard with an angry expression_ _,but Madeline was more observant than Lindsey gave her credit for. Before Lindsey could reach for it Madeline’s eyes landed on the test. Her face blanched and all traces of anger had left, replaced by the most heartbreaking expression Lindsey had ever seen. Gerard spotted her expression and quickly realised his mistake._

_“Madeline, I can explain.” The words came out without any forethought but he was quickly silenced by Madeline’s dangerous glare. Her entire body was shaking and she was a white as Gerard.  Gerard could see_ _that she was trying to pull herself together. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he silently pleaded with her to stay and hear him out._

_“There’s no need” Madeline whispered, her voice shaking and clearly distressed. “I can see I interrupted. I’ll let myself out. Congratulations_ _, you guys. I wish you both the best.”_

_Gerard stood up, ready to chase after her_ _, but the look Madeline threw him stalled him in his tracks. He had finally lost her and now he could only watch as she walked out, slamming the door behind her._

“You would still be with Madeline if it wasn’t for me.”

Bandit’s words were spoken softly, matching her saddened expression. Gerard shook his head.

“B, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. When your mother first told me she was pregnant, I’ll admit, I was fucking terrified. I wasn’t ready to be a dad, but nobody ever is, no matter what the circumstances. I didn’t marry your mother because she was pregnant with you.  Her being pregnant brought us together, and your mother and I grew to love each other, and even though things didn’t work out, I don’t ever regret marrying her.  We had a good marriage for the most part, and, most of all, I got you. I wouldn’t change that for the world. My life went down a different path than I expected, but that doesn’t mean it was a bad thing. Everything happens for a reason.”

Bandit was silent, taking in her father’s words before speaking again.

“Did you ever see her after that?”

“No” Gerard spoke sadly “She sent Frank and Jamia around to collect her stuff. I tried calling her but she changed her number and moved away from New York a couple of months later. I never heard about her after that. I thought I would see her at Frank’s wedding but she was a no show. I have no idea where is she now.”

“Maybe you should try getting in touch again.”

Gerard sighed and shook his head.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, B. I haven’t seen her in seventeen years. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t even know where to start. She could have moved back to Ireland, for all I know. She’s probably happily married, with a family of her own, and the last thing she would want is for me to show up.”

“Maybe, but wouldn’t it be nice to know for sure? Frank probably has her number, or an email address, or something; all you have to do is reach out. If she says no, at least you’d know you tried.”

Gerard laughed at Bandit’s enthusiasm.

“Why do you care so much? She’s a part of my past, B. Sometimes things are best left alone.”

“I dunno. I guess I just think it’s kinda sad that things ended the way they did. You were in love with her once, surely that’s worth at least trying to find out what happened to her, and see if  she moved on, like you did.”

The words struck Gerard to his core. They were the earnest words of a teenager with good intentions, and Gerard wondered if she was right. Seventeen years had passed; seventeen years without him uttering the apology he knew he owed her. He had learned to push the thought of Madeline, and all the associated guilt and unresolved issues, out of his mind. Maybe now was the time to put the ghost to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Who thinks Gerard should try to get in touch with Madeline? Or should he leave it in the past?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Lyra


	5. Chapter 5

Gerard stared at the number for what felt like hours, debating, second guessing and triple guessing if it was the right thing to do. Ever since he had told Bandit about Madeline, he couldn’t get the thought of her out of his head. He had pushed Madeline out of his mind for so long, that now when he finally allowed himself to think about her it was invading every waking thought. He had dreamt about her every night, some of the dreams were memories of the good times they shared and others of how things could have been if he hadn’t pushed her away. They were the worst. He would wake up with convoluted feelings of pain, regret, guilt and longing for the life he had lost. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that things would have been perfect, but he would have been happier long term.  He meant what he said to Bandit; he didn’t regret marrying Lindsey, and he had loved her. Lindsey was an amazing woman, and even in the midst of their divorce he would still easily admit it. There was no animosity between them in the slightest. His marriage had been far from miserable; they had just drifted apart now that Bandit was older and realised they wanted different things. Gerard had always wanted more children, something Lindsey had no interest in. She had a traumatic birth with Bandit, and while Gerard had understood her reluctance, he couldn’t deny that for him it had been the final nail in the coffin. He had hoped that with enough time and subtle encouragement she would change her mind, but once she had turned forty Gerard knew it was never going to happen.  With Madeline, they had been on the same page about future plans and children. In hindsight, he wondered if he should have chased after Madeline that day and forced her to listen to him.  Yes, things would have been hard trying to make a relationship work while raising a kid with someone else, but it wouldn’t have been impossible.  He could have found a way to make it work if she hadn’t made the choice to walk out and cut him off like they had never happened.  Underneath the pain and regret he also held a lot of anger. He had made a mistake, and instead of giving him a chance to make it right, she walked out without a backwards glance.

He took a deep breath and pressed the dial button. His hand shook a little in anticipation, which he rectified by clenching it as tightly as possible.

“Yo, Gee!What’s up?” Frank’s deep voice answered the phone within four rings.

“Hey, man!How are you?”

“I’m good, man.Same old, same old really. How’re you and Lindsey?”

Gerard paused. He hadn’t told Frank about the impending divorce. They talked once every couple of months, and in all the chaos of moving and sorting out a lawyer he had forgotten to keep Frank in the loop.

“Em, I’m good…Lindsey and I…we decided that things weren’t working out.”

“What? Jesus, man! I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?” Frank wasn’t even ashamed of his curiosity.

“We just drifted apart, I suppose. There wasn’t an argument or anything…I’ve got my own place now, actually. How’re Jamia and the kids?”

“They’re all good. Kids are in full blown teenage mode, so the house is a constant battle field.” he chuckled.

“I know the feeling, man” Gerard laughed.

“So, why are you really calling, man?”

Gerard stalled, biting his lip as he reconsidered whether he should bring it up. He was aware of how bad it would sound to ask him for a favour after not speaking to him for a couple of months.

“I…” Gerard sighed before deciding to bite the bullet. “Do you still keep in touch with Madeline?”

Gerard expected the stunned silence on the other end, and the tension was almost audible.

“Why are you asking?”  Frank’s tone was cautious and wary.

“I was thinking about her the other day, and I thought that maybe if you were still in contact with her that …you could give me her number or something.”

“Gerard…I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Frank, it’s been seventeen years, and I just…I just wanna know if she’s okay. The way we left things wasn’t right, and I need to know if she had moved on. I need her to know that I’m sorry.”

There was another long silence on the other end of the phone. Gerard started to doubt that Frank would cooperate. Was Madeline still angry after all those years?

“I don’t think Madeline would want me to give you her number, Gerard. It took her a long time to get over what happened, and I don’t think bringing up the past will do any good. It’d be best to just forget about it.”

“Don’t you think that’s for Madeline to decide?” Gerard pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to rein his temper in.

“I’ll dunno, man…You’re putting me in a really awkward position here ” Frank let out a deep, long suffering sigh.

“Please, Frank… At least let her know I was in touch. Give her my number and if she doesn’t want to talk then that’s fine, but let it be her decision.”

“Fine. I’ll see what I can do. Don’t get your hopes up, though, dude.”

“I appreciate it, man. I owe you one.”

“You bet your ass you do” Frank muttered darkly before hanging up.

            ***************************************************************

Gerard sat in the café, his hands shaking so badly that he refrained from holding the cup of scalding coffee sitting in front of him, certain that it would only end up spilling over his hands and clothes.  He was due to meet Madeline in half an hour, and his heart was pounding painfully against his ribcage. She hadn’t called him like he had hoped; instead, she used Frank to pass on a message that she would be willing to meet up. It had taken a couple of back and forth phone calls with an irate, frustrated Frank playing messenger boy, but eventually a plan had fallen into place. They were meeting in a Starbucks; somewhere nice, and public with an easy escape route should things turn sour. He was surprised that she was obviously in the area, if only for a short period of time, and willing to meet with him in person. Meeting in a busy coffee shop was deliberate on her part; it was her way of ensuring that her temper was kept under control. She obviously still held a lot of anger, which Gerard braced himself for. He could only hope that she was willing to hear him out in return. His eyes were locked on the door since he arrived, eager to see her again, even if it filled him with an equal amount of dread. There was a possibility that he wouldn’t even recognise her; seventeen years was a long time, and it was possible she had changed physically. Her long raven locks could have been  any colour now, or her body altered with age. Her mother had aged well, so he doubted that she would have shown the wear and tear of the years yet. Would she recognise him? His hair wasn’t black anymore, but more a medium brown colour. He had lost weight since he last saw her, due in part to running after a child for so many years and looking after himself better. There were so many possibilities and outcomes that it was hard for him to concentrate and plan what he should say or do.  The realisation that he didn’t know Madeline anymore hit him hard; she was a stranger to him now, even though she had been such a fundamental part of his life for so long. He felt a little twinge of disappointment every time the door opened and revealed someone who was obviously not Madeline. His phone buzzed and lit up, drawing his attention to the screen. It was a short ‘good luck’ text from Bandit, who was beyond pleased at the situation at hand.  She had squealed with delight when he told her after much pestering on her part. She had a ridiculous notion that somehow the situation would end like one of those romantic movies she loved.  He smiled at her text, happy that he had her approval at least.  His eyes flickered back to the entrance, and then did a double take at the woman who had just walked in.

She hadn’t changed much over the years. Her hair was still jet black, although it was now shoulder length and loose. She was thinner now too, all traces of puppy fat gone.  The light pink jumper and skinny jeans she wore showed her physique off, and if he didn’t know that she was only six months younger than him, he would have sworn she was no older than twenty five. Her large blue eyes scanned the place, searching for him in the sea of people. He couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time he saw her. The expression she wore was identical to the look on her face that day. He felt like the same insecure, shy teenage boy as he sat there. His hand twitched the same way it had all those years ago, encouraging him to make his presence known, but her eyes landed on him before he had the chance. Their eyes met, and it suddenly felt like all the years had melted away. Maybe it was just nostalgic, wishful thinking on his part, but he swore he could still feel the connection between them, even after all the years apart. She broke the contact just as quickly as it happened and walked over to the counter. He didn’t stop watching her the entire time she waited for whatever it was she ordered. He tried to calm the nausea that fluttered in his stomach, but he was unsuccessful. She got a to go cup in her hands, and Gerard felt his heart drop a little that she really did plan for an emergency escape, and it did nothing to ease his nerves over how their meeting would turn out. The only thing that made him feel better was the sight of her shaking hands that clasped her cup tightly. She was just as anxious as him, so at least the playing field was level. The time it took for her to walk from the counter to the table seemed to last forever in his mind, but he knew it was only a matter of seconds. When she finally reached the table a wave of awkwardness hit them as she stood beside the empty chair, as though debating whether she should stay or not. With a shaky hand, she pulled the seat out while setting her cup down on the table. She shrugged her black bag off her shoulder and placed it underneath the table before sitting down. The silence remained, neither of them certain who should take the lead.

“Hi ” Gerard eventually ventured, cringing at how nervous he sounded.

“Hey” It struck him straight away that her accent had changed. The Irish twang that used to linger was gone, replaced with an unmistakable Boston accent.  She had obviously remained in the states all these years.

The silence descended again, almost suffocating them with the with the tension that weighed them down.

“You look good, Madeline.” He meant it. The years had been kind to her. Her face remained as smooth and clear as it did in her early twenties, although he could just about make out the very faint beginnings of crow’s feet around her eyes. She blushed a little at his comment.

“So do you.” Her tone was rueful.

“How have you been?” he asked tentatively.

Her eyes narrowed, and he realised that it had been the wrong question to ask. He recognised the look on her face immediately. It was the one she used when she was holding back her anger, but underneath she was itching to yell.

“Don’t waste my time, Gerard. Why am I here?”

“I…I just wanted to see how you were, Madeline.”

She scoffed, a sadistic smile on her face as she met his uncertain glance with a steel gaze that made him want to cringe. The years obviously hadn’t abated her anger towards him in the slightest. Perhaps Frank had been right; maybe it wasn’t a good idea to reopen old wounds.

“You wanted to see how I’m doing? After seventeen years, I’m surprised you finally started to care. Why the sudden interest?”

“I didn’t come here to fight, Madeline.” Gerard sighed, holding back his frustration that things were already starting to go downhill within seconds.

His words had the desired effect. Madeline seemed to calm down slightly, her anger fading as her expression softened.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. You just… you can’t blame me for being a little surprised after all this time. Seventeen years is a long time, Gerard. I’m trying to figure out what the point of this is. Why now?”

“Because there are things I need to say, things I should have said a long time ago.”

“What makes you think I want to hear anything you have to say, Gerard? I’ve moved on, so have you.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

A smirk slowly tugged at her lips.

“Touché.” She chuckled and took a sip of her coffee. “You really do look good, Gerard. The brown hair suits you.”

Gerard laughed, running a hand over the short, brown locks.

“I thought I’d change it up a bit. It was B’s idea.”

A sad look flashed across her face, which she tried to cover up by taking another sip of her coffee. Gerard noticed her ring finger was bare, and it made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He had naturally assumed she would have gotten married and had children over the years, but the absence of a ring suddenly threw doubt on his assumption.

“So, how have you been all these years?” Madeline asked coolly, her expression more relaxed.

“I’ve been good. I stayed with Cartoon Network for a while before working with Dark Horse here in LA. I got one of my comics published after a couple of years, and now I get to write comics for a living.”

Madeline smiled her first genuine smile.

“I’m happy to hear that. I always knew you’d make it.”

“What about you?”

“I went back to Jersey for a while after I left New York. I worked for a local paper for a couple of years, built my portfolio up. I got offered a job with a New York paper, so I was there for about twelve years. Last summer I decided I wanted to get out of journalism, try something different, so I went back and did a Masters in Education. I’ve been lecturing in a university for the last two years, hence my move to L.A.”

“Wow. That sounds great.”

“It has its moments.Grading is a pain in the ass, but otherwise I really enjoy it.”

“Did you…I mean, are you-“ he began awkwardly, rubbing his neck anxiously.

“Married with kids?” she laughed bitterly. “I’m afraid not.”

Gerard winced at the bitterness in her voice. The Madeline he knew wanted nothing more than to be a mother. Whenever they had talked about the future, she had been adamant about having at least three children, just like in her own family. It pained Gerard that she had never achieved that, because of his actions.

“Don’t.” she snapped angrily “Don’t give me that look. I don’t want sympathy, Gerard. I could have had them, if I wanted. I had relationships, but I made the choice to not go down that path. Don’t flatter yourself into thinking you ruined my life. You probably did me a favour, actually. I had a great career, and I love what I’m doing now. My life is good, Gerard. I should probably thank you, actually. I’m happy with my life, and you’re happy with Lindsey. Things worked out well for both of us.”

“Lindsey and I are divorcing, actually.”

Madeline couldn’t hide her triumphant smile quick enough, and her eyes gleamed in delight for a split second. Gerard wouldn’t have even noticed it if he hadn’t been watching her so closely. She quickly returned her expression to a something a little more neutral.

“I’m sorry to hear that. It must be tough.” He could hear some genuine remorse in her voice.

“We just grew apart. It happens, I suppose. Our main focus is Bandit and making sure she’s happy. She’s taking it well.”

“That’s good.”

Silence settled between them once again. Madeline started to fidget with her cup, avoiding Gerard’s gaze.

“Madeline” he spoke softly, gaining her attention again

She stopped tearing the paper of her cup and met his gaze again. She suddenly looked vulnerable, and Gerard knew that now was his chance to finally say what he should have told her all those years ago.

“I’m sorry for… everything. I loved you, I know it doesn’t change things, and I can’t take back what happened, but for what it’s worth I truly am sorry.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t change anything. You broke my heart, destroyed my self confidence and all the plans I had for the future, and now you call me out of the blue after all these years, for what exactly? For forgiveness? Screw you, Gerard. You’re seventeen years too late.”

Gerard couldn’t help the lick of anger he felt at her words.

“You walked out on me, Madeline.  You never let me explain my side of the story. You got Frank and Jamia to collect your stuff and changed your number and moved away so that I couldn’t contact you.  I made a mistake, yes, but when I needed you, you walked away from me without a second glance.”

“You didn’t come after me.” The accusation was clear in her voice, stunning Gerard.

“What?”

“When I walked away…you didn’t try to make me stay. I loved you so much, Gerard.Fuck it, I still do, even after all this time. All I wanted was for you to tell me that you loved me, that you wanted me, but you didn’t. You let me go, Gerard.”

The tears welled up in her eyes, and she quickly wiped the ones that began to fall down her cheeks. Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

Madeline grabbed her bag and stood up abruptly, startling Gerard.

“You always chase after the girl when she walks away, Gerard. Always.”

Shock kept him rooted in his chair and unaware of the stares currently focused on him. She walked out of the shop without a backward glance, and Gerard felt his heart shatter.

“Are you stupid, dude? Go after her!”

Gerard turned to his right, where he saw a girl not much older than Bandit staring at him as though he had two heads.

“Yes, I was listening to your conversation. She still loves you, you dumbass. Go after her!”

The words were all he needed. He sprung out of his seat and was out the door within seconds praying that he wasn’t too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left guys.
> 
> Will Gerard get to Madeline on time?
> 
> Feedback is appreciated!
> 
> Lyra x


	6. Chapter Six

“I think you should go in and say hello. There’s no point in awkwardly avoiding him forever, you know.”

Lindsey’s hands were still wrapped around the wheel tightly, her knuckles turning white under the strain. She turned to face her daughter’s determined face and held in a heavy sigh. Bandit clutched  her backpack, the same one that went everywhere with her. It was covered in graffiti, mainly the names of the million and one bands she listened to on a daily basis. Lindsey loved her daughter to pieces, but at times like this when her stubbornness was overwhelming she couldn’t help but feel frustration and annoyance. She knew Bandit meant well, maybe she even had a point, but the situation was a delicate one, something Bandit didn’t seem to appreciate, or more than likely she just didn’t care how awkward it was. She knew Bandit thought this was the way to make the best of an awkward situation, but reuniting with her ex husband under the current circumstances was not on Lindsey’s list of things to do.

“Maybe another time, B. Just…say I said hello.”

“Mom, please. You don’t have to stay long. I just want you to meet him.”

Lindsey let go of the sigh, before turning the engine off and pulling her keys out of the ignition. The smile on Bandit’s face almost made it worth it. Almost.

“C’mon” Bandit got out of the car gleefully, rushing to Gerard’s front door impatiently.  She waited until Lindsey caught up with her to knock on the door, a wide smile etched on her face. They didn’t wait long for a harassed looking Gerard to open the door. The bags under his eyes were the first thing Lindsey noticed. His face was pale from exhaustion, and his hair an unkempt mess. His Star Wars t-shirt was creased along with his well worn jeans but Lindsey doubted neat clothes were at the forefront of his priorities these days. In spite of his tired, slightly haggard appearance, he smiled broadly at the sight of his only daughter. He didn’t notice Lindsey at first as Bandit enveloped him in a hug, delighted to see her father for the first time in nearly two weeks. She phoned him nearly every night, but Lindsey knew she missed her father. When Gerard’s eyes finally landed on Lindsey he was noticeably stunned. Lindsey just smiled and nodded, resolutely deciding she would not show just how uncomfortable the situation made her feel.

“I thought it was time mom came around to meet Malachy.” Bandit announced, ignoring the awkward tension and pushing past her father as though she owned his new house. She took a few steps into the hall, frowning at the boxes stranded in the middle of the floor.

“Hey” Gerard greeted Lindsey awkwardly, his hand flying to rub the back of his neck, as though it would somehow make things any less awkward.

“Hey. Bandit insisted I come and say hello, but I understand if-“

Gerard cut her off before she could finish.

“It’s fine. C’mon in, excuse the mess. We’re still settling in.”

Gerard stepped inside, motioning Lindsey to come inside. She followed him into the sitting room, which was thankfully neater than the hall. Everything was set up and neatly put in place. The walls were freshly painted aqua green, brightening the room and somehow giving the impression that it was larger than it was.

“It’s a nice place” Lindsey commented.

“Thanks. It’s taking forever to get settled in, though.”

“Where’s Malachy?” Bandit interrupted, storming into the room now that her bag was successfully dumped in her room.

“He’s getting changed” Gerard answered, before offering coffee.

“I’m alright, I won’t be staying long” Lindsey quickly interjected, afraid of being tied down to staying for longer than strictly necessary.

“She’ll have a one, get me one too. Please.” Bandit amended, before grabbing the remote and settling down on the couch. Gerard walked out of the room, leaving Lindsey free to glare at her daughter in irritation.

“B” she didn’t need to say anymore; her tone was all the threat Bandit needed to look a little sheepish. Bandit just shrugged. Lindsey jumped when a voice interrupted her glaring, one that got louder with every word spoken, indicating that the person was getting closer with every second that passed.

“Gerard, when you have a minute can you-“

Madeline stopped short when she walked into the sitting room, shocked at the unexpected sight of her husband’s ex-wife. The baby cradled in her arms didn’t seem to notice though. Lindsey could spot the same tiredness in Madeline that seemed to plague Gerard too. It was the same look every parent of a new born baby had in the first few months. Lindsey wasn’t afraid to admit that she didn’t miss the broken sleep, early starts and diaper changing that took over the first few months of a baby’s life.  Madeline was pale with sleep deprivation, and Lindsey felt a pang of sympathy when she remembered how tough Bandit’s first year had been. The two women just stared at each other, both keenly remembering the last time they had seen each other all those years ago in less than pleasant circumstances. Madeline’s face was oddly blank once she got over the initial shock of Lindsey’s surprise appearance.

“Hey, Maddie” Bandit greeted, jumping off the couch and grabbing her baby brother from Madeline’s arms.

“Hey, B” Madeline tried to keep the bewilderment out of her voice.

“I invited Mom around, thought it’d be nice if she met Mal. I hope you don’t mind,” Bandit’s tone wasn’t as apologetic as her words. She was completely focused on her little brother, who was bundled in a light blue blanket and gazing at her with big, blue eyes.

“Of course not.” Madeline spoke carefully, forcing politeness into her voice.

“I don’t think we ever formally met. I’m Lindsey” Lindsey decided to break the ice now that she was here. She held her hand out, and for a fleeting moment she was afraid Madeline would snub the gesture. The neutral expression on Madeline’s face didn’t reassure her, or give her any indication that she was welcomed. Lindsey breathed a sigh of relief when Madeline grasped her hand in a brief, light handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you” Madeline forced a smile on her face. She was far from pleased at the unexpected intrusion, but she was going to handle the situation with as much dignity as possible, or as possible as it was when she was exhausted and fatigued down to her very bones. She was well aware of the fact that she was less than presentable in her oversized Nirvana band tee and jeans which were stained, and her hair was flying in every direction. Compared to Lindsey’s immaculate make up, fitted trousers and tight t-shirt, she was in an absolute state. She had never envisioned meeting Lindsey but if she had, she would like to have at least levelled the playing field by looking her best.

“Likewise. Congratulations, by the way. He’s beautiful.”

The smile on Madeline’s face became more sincere at the compliment. The two women were unaware of the wide smile on Bandit’s face as she watched the two of them as the ice began to thaw slightly.

“Thank you.”

“Your home is lovely.”

“It’ll be nicer when Gerard finishes unpacking everything.” Madeline chuckled.

“Ma, you wanna hold him?” Bandit interrupted.

Lindsey was about to decline the invitation, afraid of overstepping some kind of boundary when Madeline spoke.

“It’s okay, go on ahead.”

Lindsey was nervous as she sat down on the couch and took the child from Bandit, who mumbled something about helping Gerard with the coffee and fled the room with amazing speed. The baby blinked, confused and fascinated by the new face gazing down at him. Lindsey was so enthralled with the baby that she didn’t feel the dip in the couch as Madeline took Bandit’s vacated seat. Lindsey felt like she had gone back in time looking at Malachy, who was the spitting image of Bandit at that age. Her thoughts were conflicted as she cradled the child. Part of her regretted not having more children of her own; she had been so traumatised by Bandit’s delivery that she had been unable to convince herself to go through it again, even though she knew Gerard had always wanted more kids. Fatherhood suited him, and in her heart she knew she couldn’t have picked a better man to father her only child. Gerard had been there for Bandit every step of the way, and the bond he had with her was a joy to see. For someone who had been thrown into the role at such a young age, he more than met the challenge. The guilt Lindsey felt eased, now that he had a second turn to be a father.

“I’m glad he got another chance at this” Lindsey’s thoughts came out of her mouth unintentionally. She risked a quick glance at Madeline’s reaction. There was an understanding and sympathetic expression directed at Lindsey, who fought the urge to cringe. She wondered how much Madeline knew about her marriage to Gerard, or was it a topic that was swept under the carpet in an effort to move on from the past? Lindsey, for the most part,  was blissfully unaware of the circumstances surrounding his reunion with Madeline. She had never asked Bandit, and Bandit kept the information down to a minimum. Everything had happened so quickly between the two. One day they were ‘just dating’, the next thing Lindsey heard, Madeline was moving into his apartment less than a month after they rekindled their relationship. It had been a shock when Bandit had come home one day, informing her that Gerard had remarried in a small, registry office ceremony weeks after their divorce was finalised. The hurt and slight jealousy had stopped her from enquiring how he could move on so easily. Hearing that Madeline was pregnant a week after the wedding had been a blow to her self esteem. She knew the end of their marriage had been her decision, one she stood by, but it didn’t make her immune to the sting of anger and resentment that most people would feel when their ex moved on so quickly.

“Me too” Madeline agreed, not giving anything away.

“ He really is adorable”.

“It’s hard to believe he almost didn’t happen” Madeline spoke thoughtfully, unaware she was thinking out loud.

“How do you mean?”

“When I first saw Gerard again, I got so angry at him I stormed out of the coffee shop. I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I didn’t _want_ to see him again after spilling my guts like that. I spent so long trying to get over him, that when I saw him again I realised I never _would_ get over him. It was a bitter pill to swallow, that he was able to move on while I had nothing but memories to cling onto, and I hated him for that. In my head, all I could think about was how pathetic I’d been all along, pining for something I didn’t have. I was two blocks away, about to get in my car and drive home, when all of a sudden I saw him running down the street, trying to find me. If he’d been a few seconds later, I would never have seen him again. We wouldn’t have gotten married, and we wouldn’t have Malachy.”

“How romantic” Lindsey whispered, regretting asking the question.

“You’d think so, but he was so out of breath he could barely talk. It kinda took away from the moment.” Madeline laughed.

“I’m happy you found each other again” Lindsey was surprised by the sincerity of her words.

Madeline’s reply was stopped by Gerard’s and Bandit’s reappearance, coffee mugs in hand. The conversation was light and pleasant, but Lindsey didn’t drag her visit out for longer than necessary. The moment her coffee was gone, she was out of the house with hurried goodbyes.  Bandit took the opportunity to peek through all the photos proudly on display around the sitting room. Some were pictures Bandit had seen tucked away in her father’s box, others were unfamiliar. It was strange to suddenly see so many photographs of her father from his younger years. Random high school photographs mixed in with college graduation, prom pictures and a wedding photo. The boy in the pictures showed a different side to the man she called Dad, a side she never imagined she would ever know.  A year ago, the woman in those pictures had been nothing more than somebody her father used to know. She had been a piece of his past that he had left to rot in a cardboard box of forgotten memories. Bandit relished in the pride of knowing that the two people in the photos were no longer strangers to each other, but two people who had finally gotten their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter folks.
> 
> Thanks to everybody who read this. Feedback would be awesome if you can spare a second or two!


End file.
